How Long?

One day this past year, as I was reading my Bible, I came across a Bible Verse In Revelation 6: 9-10...and the verse struck my heart. I read it, and reread it, over and over during this past year.

Here it is:"And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: and they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth?"

As I read the verse, I could so sympathize, I thought, with those souls who were patiently waiting long years for justice.

I thought of myself.

One Living Human on this tiny speck in the Milky Way Galaxy called Earth. And I knew that my heart of hearts also joined those souls in crying out, "How Long?"

"How Long, Oh Lord, until I see the end of this trial?"

"How long, Oh Lord, til I see the dearest loved ones I have so earnestly prayed for, redeemed?"

"How long, Oh Lord, til I can conquer victoriously, and lay down my sword in rest?"

"How Long, until I am loved and accepted the way I long to be?"

"How Long, Oh Lord, until I am healed of sorrow, grief, sicknesses, sins, and mistakes?"

"How Long, Oh Lord, until I am known as You know me?"

"How Long, Oh Lord, until I stand vindicated?"

"How Long, Oh Lord Jesus, until all things are made new?"

"How long, Oh Jesus, until I can see you face to face?"

One night after I read this verse and my heart yearned within me, I wept. How long must I endure?

I fell asleep, and I had a dream. In the dream, there was a Man. His face shone, and as much as I strained upward, I could not see His Face. Only a haze of light. Yet, in His presence, I no longer cried, "How Long?" His Presence was enough.

But eventually, He began to talk, and He told me that He loved me...that I was as the Apple of His Eye. He said He would always be with me, and He would guide my way. He told me that my sins were far removed, and I must never bring them up to Him again, for He had removed them as far as the east is from the west. He said that nothing I could do could separate me from His Love. He said He loved me even in my mistakes and especially, He loved my little odd habits that were peculiar to me...they were not obnoxious to Him at all, but endearing, He said.

I felt so healed. I didn't want to leave His Presence. I wanted to stay with Him.

But, He said I had to go back.

And before I knew it, I woke upon my bed, crying. Why did I have to come back?

So, in the dark of night, I looked back over my life.

The path behind me was treacherous and full of mistakes.

The trail also wended its way though many miracles, and I marveled at the Goodness of God.

Then I turned, and I decide not to look back for too long, lest I become a pillar of salt that is unable to move forward.

I looked ahead.

I couldn't see the way ahead...the clouds obscured it. And what little bit I could see didn't look so great.

The Ohio River, as the fog obscured it for hours. Slowly the fog lifted, and the river way appeared.

All I could see was the dark present...upon my bed in the night watches.

And there didn't seem to be any answers at all.

But I heard Him speak in my heart.

"I am a very Present Help," He whispered.. "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. I will keep thee as the apple of Mine Eye. I will hide thee under my wings, just as a mother hen hides her little chicks. I will be your shield and buckler. I will be your Mighty Fortress. I will will be your Pillar of Cloud by day, and a Pillar of Fire by night. I will be a Voice behind you saying, 'This is the Way, Walk ye in it.' I will be your Shepherd. I will be the Lily in your valley, and I will bloom beauty & sweet fragrance for you. I will be the Sacrifice, and pay the price for your sins and griefs. I will come through for you. I will be your Song in the night. I will be your God, and You shall be my person. I will uphold you. I will strengthen you. I will be your Joy. And I will be your Peace."

I dried my eyes, and eventually slept.

The dream stayed with me, and at the start of a new day, I reluctantly rose to meet it. How I longed to stay in the Presence of Him for whom my soul craved, not wake to this sordid earth-side.

I still have times when my soul groans within me, "How Long, Oh Lord?"

However, I summon up strength to remember what He told me. To remember how I felt in Redeeming Presence.

And I walk the lonely way with Him at my side.

-Love, Glenda