Last year in June, I stood with the toes of my dress shoes against a tiny grave. One of my fellow church families welcomed a 5 lb. blue bundle, their first son, into their arms, only to watch in overwhelming sorrow as he breathed his last breath hours later.
They held a viewing & funeral for him, and as I walked into the viewing and saw the beautiful baby who had been granted his wings to fly Home, I couldn't help it; tears sprang to my eyes and I wept. He looked like a perfect little doll baby lying there, and I wanted to pick him up and smother him with kisses. But, he was gone.
It was the first grave at our little Cornerstone Chapel. To this day, I can't look towards the graveyard without remembering the tiny form laid to rest on such a beautiful June day. I haven't yet made my way up there to visit the lonely little grave. I am afraid I might start crying, and won't be able to stop. But maybe this Sunday, I will. It's one year, after all, and I'm sure his parents would be so happy to have him be remembered.
This past week, my brother and his wife added a tiny premie barely over 3 lb. to their family. This little girl who faced many odds, is a feisty, thriving little niece. She just gained 4 oz. and is at the 3lb. 8 oz. mark, and is appearing to do better than expected. The doctor thinks she may be breathing on her own before so very long, much to our joy.
I look at pictures of my tiny niece, and in my mind's eye, I cannot erase the sorrow of my church family, even if it's a year ago. My sister-in-law's pregnancy was fraught with peril, and I know that it is only by the grace of God that my brother wasn't standing by a grave...or two.
It makes me ask lots of questions...Hard Questions. Like, why are some taken, and others left? Why does God take some children Home, and allow others, against all odds, to thrive?
How does He determine what His will is for each baby born into the world? Does God have a plan book or a schedule up there, and He looks at it, and says, "Oh! a couple of babies born pre-maturely will be just the ticket to accomplish X, Y, & Z? And, let's see, if I let this one live, and that one die, that will do it! Oh, and if I with-hold children from this couple, and give this other couple a good hefty number like 10 children, it will do the trick. And let's see...I'll have this one be a special child all his life, and then I'll have his cousin grow up to become a responsible adult, and it will accomplish My purposes." How does God decide all of that?
I don't think we will ever know. But, it makes me hold my own two just a little closer. It makes me stop and kiss their cheeks, (even though my teens aren't so sure about that!), and I treasure their nearness...well, mostly, anyway. It helps me to realize that childhood isn't very long, and on top of that, for some children, it is shorter than others.
And when my daughter calls this morning from a trip with her friends on the west coast, and I ask her how her trip is going, and she says, "Fine, Mom, but I wish you and Trent and Dad were here," my heart beats a little faster, and I hang up from the call in a wonderfully tearful kind of Mother-joy!
My pastor is planning to preach a sermon on our children tomorrow, and he knows I love to write. He reached out to me and asked if I could write a blessing for him to read over our children.
Well, I told him I'd try, but the inspiration hasn't struck yet, and here it is Sat. evening already. How can you write when you haven't "got it" yet?
Maybe research would help the thing along. So I asked my son, "When I pray for you, Trent, what do you want me to pray for?"
He scratched his curly head. "Well, I want to you pray that I have the right attitudes so that I can serve God," he said. "And," he added with a teasing afterthought, "ask God if I can be RICH!" He shouted "RICH" enthusiastically, and then, with a searching, worried look at my face, quickly amended his shout, "Well, No. Not the rich thing so much. But the attitudes, though, Mama. That's about it."
"OK," I said, with a laugh. "Well," I thought to myself, "here it is from the heart of a 13 year old boy...he wants me to pray for him to have right attitudes. What more could a mom ask for?"
I pulled out my computer and started to write this blog to get my thoughts going in the right direction...so, here we go....I'm going to attempt it right now. And of course, you know, it will be a poem. And it will be my heart's cry.
Father, Father, Bless our Children!
Bless them in their baby stages,
In the cutest of all ages,
Swaddled up in pink or blue,
Baby Bundle, we love you.
Father, Father, Bless our Children!
Bless them in their toddling footprints,
In their messy, childhood handprints.
As they learn to talk and sing,
May they Praises to You Bring!
Father, Father, Bless Our Children!
Bless them as they ask more questions,
"Why?" and "How?" And strange suggestions!
Running, playing, laughing, too
Let them find their purpose, True.
Father, Father, Bless Our Children!
Bless them in their understanding,
As at school, their minds expanding,
Math, and reading, spelling, art,
Help them each to take their part.
Father, Father, Bless Our Children.
Bless them in their teenage wendings,
In their searching, heart-felt rendings,
Stay, Oh Father, by their side,
Oh, lead them Home at eventide.
Father, Father, Bless Our Children!
Bless them as from home they're leaving,
Faces fresh, with strength, believing,
In the world, their paths they find,
Let not one be left behind.
Father, Father, Bless Our Children,
Bless them as we hold them loosely,
As we love them more profusely,
Give us grace, what're Your Plan,
To care for them as parents can,
And should their lives be short or long,
Oh, keep them from the world of wrong,
And grant we all, along the way,
Be joined in Paradise, some Day.
-gj
Ok. there it is. A blessing for our precious children as they journey all areas of life. I won't lie to you, I shed some tears over it. How earnestly my heart desires this of God!
I'll forward it over to the preacher, and if he wants to use it, he can, and if it doesn't quite fit his vision for closing his sermon, then you all can enjoy it!
Much Love, Glenda
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P.S. #2. And, when Baby Emmitt died, I wrote a little poem in honor of him. It landed on his Viewing Card, and I have been asked to revise it for baby home-goings multiple times since.
Sweet little bundle,
Dressed in Blue,
Purest Innocence,
Perfect, too.
Baby Sweet-heart,
10 little toes,
10 little fingers,
One tiny nose…
Baby Dearest…
How we prayed
That God would heal you
With His Aid.
Baby Emmitt,
God called you:
By His Appointment—
Above the blue.
Precious Baby,
Empty Arms…
We’re left without
Sweet Baby Charms…
Baby Emmitt,
Shortest stay…
Earth couldn’t hold you…
You flew away…
Baby Emmitt,
It won’t be long
Until we join you in
Heaven’s Song!
-gj
This is so precious!!!